I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
