if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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