He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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