Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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