I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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