The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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