I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
