I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
