also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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