All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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