she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
