I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
