I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
