ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
