morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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