Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
