Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
