So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
