even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
