can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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