I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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