we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
