it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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