it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
