Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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