**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
