Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
