4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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