i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
