how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
