Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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