Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
