um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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