WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
