Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
