i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
