It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hippo gnu deer
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
