remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
