So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize