I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
not ubering you a puppy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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