Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
