i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
