some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
barbara walters just said penis...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
