We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
