Barsexuality is the new black.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
