You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
