whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
