? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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