I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
