He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
