Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
