best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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