If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
