I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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