dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
