my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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