something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
