Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
