Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
