first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
