whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize