i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
