I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
