I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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