just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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