just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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