I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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