we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
