Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I believe in your delicious
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