I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
