If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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