i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
