apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize