fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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