need another drink. this is the easiest way
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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