She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
