How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
