I'm lost and stupid without you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
