A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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