dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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