You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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