Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
