I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
