what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
