I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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