saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
