Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
