Will you blow on my dice?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
