And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
MIDGETS
????
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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