sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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