In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Randomize
