Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
