it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
