You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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