Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
