remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
