and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
