would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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