I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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