hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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