I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
