I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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