I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
