So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
