I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
